to him, from hell:

i remembered how you hit me with anything you can find. light, heavy big or small.

i remembered how you scolded me by following YOUR instructions.

i remembered how you pull my hair and banged my head against the shelf. the shelf still remain in the same position.

i remembered i was so scared of you that i hide myself under the desk, and the desk i'm using it everyday now.

i remembered how you hit and scolded me everyday when she was at work every night because you quarrelled with your mistress.

i remembered how you hit me, pushed me, pulled me when the desktop spoiled, and claiming that you have important files inside when you don't even use it often.

i remembered how you forced me to cut my hair short when you were unhappy.

i remember the many many things you did to me.

they were all nightmares.

and today, you hit me with an empty bottle and another object, i don't know what it was.

the lines on my upper thighs were the results of your anger.

the scar on my scalp were the results of your anger too. and luckily it isn't obvious at all.

many injuries, can't be seen, but they exist.

and today, you gave me a "small hill" on my left thigh, were the results of you failing to iron your clothes properly and vent your anger all on me.

ALL ON ME.

you vent them ALL ON ME because you know i won't fight back, because you know i will listen, i will follow, i will feel scared.

YOU WON'T VENT ON HER BECAUSE SHE WILL FIGHT BACK, SHE WON'T LET YOU OFF, SHE'LL PUT YOU IN JAIL.

YOU HAVE NO MONEY, NO REPUTATION, YOU LOSE EVERYTHING, JUST BLAME YOURSELF.

BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE THE WOMAN OUTSIDE, YOU CHOOSE TO TREAT THE WHORE OUTSIDE BETTER THAN US, YOU SEE US AS COWDUNG.

now, every step i walk, everytime my left feet touches the ground, my muscles move, i feel pain.

i didn't do anything to deserve such pain.

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME, WHAT SIN HAVE I MADE THAT I SHOULD SUFFER LIKE THIS ?

YOU VENT ALL YOUR ANGER ON ME WHEN YOU'RE UNHAPPY.

YOUR MISTRESS RUN AWAY, YOU VENT IT ON ME.

YOU LOSE A DEAL, YOU VENT IT ON ME.

YOU FORGOT TO PAY YOUR CREDIT CARD BILLS, YOU VENT IT ON ME.

YOU LIED TO HER SAYING THAT I DON'T WANT BOTH OF YOU TO DIVORCE.

I'VE MADE IT CLEAR ENOUGH, I WANT THE BOTH OF YOU TO BE DIVORCED.

you, can go find your China woman, and see if she wants you.

i would rather go to Taiwan with her, than to stay here with you.

i'm not born for you to vent your anger on, and i feel ashame to be related to you.

once more, just once more, one more time, i'm going to the Police, i mean it.

no matter what time it is, no matter how far it is, no matter what you do, what you say, I WILL GO.

for the past 18 years of my life, i've had enough.

it's not like i can't support myself. i can just quit school and go to work.

i can just anyhow find a guy and get married off.

i can do many many things, even without you.

to him, my past.

perhaps, we were just too naive.

you left me because i DON'T WEAR MINI SKIRT.

and that was the 1st time buying MINI SKIRT from 77th Street at Far East.

the slap you left me, i will remember.

how vicious you are, how ugly you are.

to him.

still i meant nothing.

maybe just a person to fill an empty heart, a person to "have" when bored.

a person, to have when ever feel like it, a person to leave when feel bored.

a person who sees me as unimportant, optional, something extra and a burden.

i don't like to compare, but people do, and people talk.

and it often breaks my heart.

i don't have good friends, best friends, close friends, special friends.

i only have friends.

i don't think i have any family members, any relatives.

they're just human whom i meet when i'm young, nothing special.

everytime, i try my best, my very best, to maintain relationships,  it often is left unappreciated.

maybe i aren't "good" enough to please others, maybe i'm just too lousy.

sometimes i really hope to have someone whom i can rely on.

whom i can tell everything of my life to.

whom i can share my joy, my sadness to.

whom i can trust with my everything.

but i have no one.

my sadness, no one will understand.

and no one will be willing to listen.

all i need, is just someone to hug and cry on.

someone who can talk to me nicely.

but i have no one.

i can only hug my bolster and cry.

i can only talk to myself.

and i can only blog here, because no ones listens to me.

even the closest person to me, won't listen to me, won't listen to my sorrows, don't bother about me.

i have nothing to say.

i walked from the bus stop back home, a van horned at me so loud, that it just scares me.

i didn't notice him.

he should have just move forward, accelerate, and knock me down.

so what if i'm alive?

no one cares.

maybe this is just nonsense i'm spouting.

good night.

withLOVE;
11:45 PM